Pollyanna and the Parrots of Doom

Lyda here.

First, a small digression. One of our spam comments was from  “totallyrealsitenotfak7e…” (I’m not going to put the whole address, in case it is some horrible computer virus and/or porn site. Y’all have to find those on your own.) and it read as if it was a continuation of a previous conversation.

Kinda.

A conversation with a stunned parrot whose been drinking all day and is concerned that I might acquire a fake payday loan.

Not that I am saying that a parrot is not capable of being concerned about the veracity of payday loans. They are very smart birds, I’ve heard. Nor am I saying that being stunned would affect that concern. How would I know? I’ve never stunned a parrot.

Although the only parrot I remember was one that whistled at me when I was eight and said “Look at that blonde!” Which totally freaked me out, because why would a parrot come on to blond eight-year-olds? That’s just weird.

Not that I’m saying that parrots do or do not experience weird attractions to girls. How would I know what a parrot finds attractive? And yes, I’m judging them.

I’m sure that the man who owned the bird taught it to say that, although hopefully not just to children.

However, after my grandma raked him over the coals for teaching his bird to say such an unseemly thing, I’m sure the man saw the error of his ways and spent the rest of his days teaching the parrot the Bible.

With the result that the parrot now whistles and says, “Look at that whale swallow Jonah.”

Although now that I think about it, this is not really an improvement.

Plus, that parrot would be pretty old by now. He might not be able to whistle any more.

Oh, and I should say that I do not approve of letting one’s parrot get drunk.

Nor do I approve of parrot stunning. That is not what stun guns are for, people.

Um.

What was I talking about?

Oh well. Here’s a link to Monty Python’s parrot sketch with a stunned parrot. Or is he?

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