Pollyanna Rainbow Sunshine and the Mystery of the Cosmic Inner-Netting

Lyda here.  Ummmm…. OOPS! Big Oops! Extreme Oops! Quantum Oops!

Ya’ll, Pollyanna is new to this whole inner-netting thingie. [Pollyanna only knows that inner-netting is part of some men’s swim trunks, and being a Southern belle, she does not investigate such indelicate things.] [At least not lately. Sigh. Anna-Liza, I hate you, you smug married bitch. But I digress.]

Being a true Southern lady, Pollyanna was raised with certain expectations. One of these is that the men in her life will deal with the messier details such as fixing her car, taking out the trash, dealing with computer problems… while Pollyanna sits under a tree and drinks lemonade. [True Southern ladies may have more than one man in their life, but are too discreet to let on, ya’ll. True Southern ladies may also have something stronger than lemonade in their glasses, but only a cad would mention it.]

Being a true modern divorcee with a son to raise, Pollyanna has learned to deal with these messy details. To fix the car, call the mechanic. To empty the trash, call teenage son. To solve computer problems, call teenage son or tech support.

You may notice that Pollyanna still does not deal with these trifles with her own dainty hands. Life in the corporate world has taught her anew what her Southern heart has always known: delegate!

So, to solve the Mystery of the Disappearing Comment, Pollyanna turns to her wise and generous readers.

“What mystery?”, I hear you ask. Ah, therein lies a tale, gentle readers.

No, Tommy cat, not YOUR tail!

Now he’s attacking my feet because this post isn’t about him. You see, I told you he is a Sith!

First, you must know that Pollyanna is still amazed that she can write and post something on this inner-netting, and ya’ll can actually read it! All this and chia pets too – what marvels this modern age has wrought! [The chia pet reference is for you, Jeff. Ha! Pollyanna mentioned you! Now you are famous!]

And Pollyanna is awed and humbled that you, gentle readers, actually DO read what she posts! Incredible!!

[Shoot, hold on a minute, I’m going to have to send out for another bag of exclamation marks…]

Today, Pollyanna noticed a wonderful and happy-making thing – a comment awaiting moderation! Excitement!

[Fast delivery of the exclamation marks, wasn’t it? Pollyanna has punctuation connections!]

A helpful and friendly knitter posted a comment sympathizing with Pollyanna’s whining about the curling stockinette scarf, and offering a solution that would solve the problem and create a Non-Curling Scarf of Wonder instead! Oh joy!

So Pollyanna happily clicked the Magic Button to approve the comment – making it visible to all who battle the Evil Curling Stockinette. [Solidarity, sister and brother knitters!] [My, how politically correct we are today!] [And still with the exclamation marks!!] [And the digressions!!]

Imagine Pollyanna’s despair when instead of posting the comment, the computer blithely told her that the comment was marked as spam as requested.

Pollyanna frantically checked the spam folder. The folder was empty – the Missing Comment was not there! 

Is poor Missing Comment lost forever, wandering aimlessly small and alone in the Cosmic Inner-Netting? [Pollyanna dare not ask whose swim trunks would contain the Cosmic Inner-Netting.]

Bad Magic Button! Evil Magic Button! Bad Evil Wicked Magic Button! *

What to do???

Delegate, of course!

Pollyanna asked her son, the Sith Master, and his BFF Chuck Norris** for help. They are in the same room playing DDR [a video game called Dance Dance Revolution in which you leap around in time to the music – in case you don’t have teenagers]. 

And Chuck Norris said, “One thing I’ve learned: there is always someone on the Internet who knows the answer.” So young, so wise! [And yet, with all his brilliance, he cannot pronounce “inner-netting” correctly. Pollyanna blames the school system.]

So, I ask you, dear wise readers, can you save Pollyanna from this shame and horror?

Can you save the poor Missing Comment from the limbo of the Cosmic Inner-Netting?

Pollyanna breathlessly awaits your response.

Alternatively, if you are the lovely generous knitter who posted, please do it again – I am so sorry and I promise to be more careful and not accidentally spam any more comments!

* Bonus points to those of you who spotted the mangled Monty Python reference!! And here, have some exclamation points too!!! If you post a comment naming the movie the reference is from, you will get – you guessed it! – even more exclamation points!!!!

Because there is no such thing as too many exclamation points!!!!! [Or too many digressions.]

**Chuck Norris is my son’s BFF’s chosen pseudonym, not his real name. The action movie star Chuck Norris is not my son’s BFF.

Wouldn’t it be cool if it was Chuck Norris playing DDR in my living room?! Can’t you see it now?! Chuck Norris dancing to “Funky Town”! I’m thinking, Chuck would be good at DDR since he’s in such good shape. He would play at the “Expert” level. He would wear form-fitting apparel while playing.

And I would be close by, watching.

Just so I could tell ya’ll all about it, don’t ya know…

But my son’s BFF is extremely cool and has become my second son [without going through childbirth or paying for braces, score!]. He calls me “second Mom” and is the only person in the world who is allowed to tease me about the Great Pancake Fiasco of ’07. [Don’t ask. Just know that since the Fiasco, Pollyanna feels faint just thinking about cooking pancakes and now must go to IHOP for syrupy pancake goodness.]

I wouldn’t trade my second son for Chuck Norris, or even any three action movie stars you care to name.

Take that, Chuck Norris!

No, not trading him.

Nope, not even for Bruce Willis, Jackie Chan, and Harrison Ford all together.

Well, maybe just for a day…

or two…

three days, tops…


5 thoughts on “Pollyanna Rainbow Sunshine and the Mystery of the Cosmic Inner-Netting

  1. First Among Imaginary Kellys

    I have no idea where your comment went, but I DO know the movie! (Used to be able to recite the whole darn thing) It’s The Holy Grail.

    Don’t like her? What’s wrong with her. She’s beautiful, she’s rich, she’s got huge … tracts of land.

  2. lyda Post author

    Congratualations, FAI Kellys! You’ve won many many exclamation points!!!!!!!!!

    “Let’s not bicker and argue about who killed who…”

    My second son “Chuck Norris” says I should include “Expert Llama Trainer” on my resume.

  3. annaliza

    How disappointing! I was sure you had Chuck Norris DDR-ing in your living room!

    The new James Bond guy, whose name I can’t keep straight–he might be second-son-trade-fodder.

  4. annaliza

    Hey there–I was able to retrieve the comment, because WordPress sent me a notice that it was waiting for approval too. Just in case it worked, I marked it for approval and wah-laa, it now can be seen it its proper place. And our lovely contributor is no longer marked as a spammer. Yay!


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