Monthly Archives: March 2008

Pollyanna Rainbow Sunshine, Genius

“I ran outta gas! I had a flat tire! I didn’t have enough money for cab fare! My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners! An old friend came in from outta town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts!! It wasn’t my fault I swear to God!!!”

Those immortal words were spoken by the brilliant and much-missed John Belushi as “Joliet” Jake Blues in the Blues Brothers movie. Which we all need to see again. It is an awesomely funny movie. I love John Belushi. Of course, everyone knows “Animal House” (1978.) and Spielberg’s “1941” (1979) But if you haven’t seen them, “Neighbors” (1981) – with John playing against type – and “Continental Divide” (1981) – showing John was a great romantic comedy leading man – are definitely worth seeing. I’m just sayin’.

But I digress…

Lyda here, in case you couldn’t tell. This speech is what keeps going through my empty head as I try to figure out exactly when my brain moved to Tahiti without me. It may have something to do with the sleep-deprivation. Of course, without a brain, it will be pretty hard to figure out… that’s why I have ya’ll.

Evidence of the missing brain is strong.

To whit:

And this weekend. Pretty much the whole thing, but especially this:

On Saturday, I took the sheets off my bed and washed them.

Late Saturday night, I headed to bed late after watching “Catch Me If You Can” (2002) with the Resident Sith Master. Which we loved, ya’ll should check it out if you haven’t seen it; I love Tom Hanks, and this movie is excellent. Plus, DiCaprio for those of you who like him, which I do as an actor but he doesn’t do it for me lust-wise, I’d much rather have Tom. Or, of course, Harrison Ford. But I digress again.

And found I hadn’t put the clean sheets on my bed yet.

So I put the clean sheets on the bed.

And then took my medication.

Only I took my morning meds instead of my nighttime med.

Thus throwing my whole meds schedule off.

Genius.

As soon as I did it, I realized my mistake.

I think this error was connected to the fatigue, and the fact that my morning routine involves making my bed and then taking my blood pressure meds – thus linking making my bed with taking these drugs in my [empty] head.  [Please don’t worry, it was fine. I am trying to be funny, ya’ll.]

But mostly, I blame the missing brain.

And I took my nighttime med.

And then I went and told RSM what I’d done.

My 17-year-old son actually patted me on the shoulder and shook his head. This stuff doesn’t surprise him anymore.

I hope he comes to visit me in the home. And brings cake.

At least I don’t have to worry about zombies.

They won’t come after me now.

No brain for them to eat.

Pollyanna Rainbow Sunshine: Butter Nutrition Expert

Anna-Liza here, killing my family slowly with my cooking …

Example: the dinner I made for us last night. On the plus side, I did use the George Foreman Grill for the steaks, which I’d marinated in garlic and worcestershire sauce beforehand. And I did include brussels sprouts.

The down side starts with the butter and pepper added to the brussels sprouts. (My philosophy is that there isn’t a cooked vegetable in the world that doesn’t benefit from a liberal application of melted butter and a judicious application of pepper. Some of them need salt, some don’t.) The mushrooms were sauteed … in about a quarter cup of butter. And the mashed potatoes. Yeah. More butter, and heavy cream and sour cream. (And dill. Hey, it’s green, and it’s leafy, right?)

I had a beer with mine. New Belgium Brewery’s “Trippel“, to be exact.

Yum. And I didn’t have to lick (or kiss) a single pig. I wonder how much time off my life I’m losing for that meal, exactly? But really, a longer life without butter? What kind of a life would that be?

Pollyanna and the Random Weirdness of Pig-Licking

Lyda here.

Ya’ll, the world is a far stranger place than even I suspected. To prove this, I give you:

The Pig Kissing Contest.

Apparently this is a popular way of raising funds for various organizations.

Look at this. Not one, but two pig-kissing pictures! And this – scroll down for the pig kissing – now there’s something you don’t type every day…

And check this out:

kissthepig.jpg 

That’s right, these people will actually bring you a pig to kiss. They also have a Creepy Crawly Stinky Slimey Show but since they’re in Florida, so I guess I can’t have that for my next birthday…

These folks also provide a pig to kissThey’re on the East Coast. Hmpfh.

You might want to be careful that you don’t develop a relationship with the pig, though. When the pig starts borrowing your clothes, it’s a warning sign

“A pig in the house? I thought I divorced him.”

Badumdum.

Just for the record, my ex is actually very tidy. But sometimes, ze joke, she cries out to be told.

Of course, sometimes the pig does not want to be kissed.

In that case, you can buy a pig-kissing watercolor instead. Or art kissed by pigs.

Or you can personalize and send this card to your pig-licking friends: “Pig Licking. You’re Doing It Wrong.” And look at this one, Muppet Treasure Island fans! Heh! Good fun, ya’ll.

And while we are on the subject, don’t you love the title of this book?!

 kissthesunsetpigbook.jpg

It actually sounds pretty good (click the pic for the link). I feel a book review coming on. I wonder if the library has a copy…?

Of all the photos that came up when I googled “pig kiss”…

And ya’ll, do NOT google “pig tongue” looking for pig-licking pictures.

Trust me on this.

Just.

Don’t.

Not a digression you want to make… *shudder*… moving on.

This picture is definitely my favorite. Pigs On Parade! Pig pirate! Mer-pig! Stega-pig! Yellow Brick Pig! Cyber Pig Invasion! 

I’m sad. I feel like a big pig-licking opportunity was missed here. I know people who live in Seattle, including some of my siblings. I wonder if they have any photos with the pigs? At least we can still check out the “Pigs on Parade” merchandise.

And while we are talking about pigs, and I believe we were…

This ad is just… disturbingEww. Sorry about that.

Here, this will heal your eyes:

pigandpiglet1.jpg

Aww, look at that piglet, just worn out from all the kissing. 

Now, won’t you join me in a bit of pig-licking rewriting?

There’s more than one way to lick a pig. (As Marin says…)

So many pigs, so little spit.

“Imagine all the people, licking pigs in peace…”

Yup.

Human weirdness.

It knows no bounds. And neither do I.

May the Pig be with you.

Pollyanna Figures It Out

Lyda here.

So, this week I’ve been having trouble going to sleep at night. I’ve been feeling tired but not sleepy, so I’ve been staying up past my bedtime and then struggling to get out of bed in the morning.

Yesterday, I’d had a bottle of caffeinated diet soda later than usual, and I figured that was it last night. The earthquake gave me not a pause, although it was very close to my place.

But what was the problem the rest of the week?

Today, I ate lunch at my desk, and got a can of diet soda out of the machine. A diet soda with caffeine.

And when I tossed the empty can into my recycling sack under my desk, I noticed something.

The new can exactly matched the cans already in there.

Which I drank this week, mostly in the afternoons.

Which were from a 12-pack I brought to work on Tuesday.

Which I bought on Monday.

Without noticing that it was NOT the caffeine-free diet soda.

I am a genius.

Pollyanna Rainbow Sunshine and the Gorgeous Men

Lyda here. No knitting or quilting progress to report. It’s been a hell of a week, ya’ll are so glad you don’t know more. So, today we have more movie reviews! Ya’ll are excited. 

Yes, the gorgeous men of the post title are all on film. Another reason to be excited. But in a different way.

Please note: There are no plot spoilers in my post (’cause, don’t ya’ll just hate that?! I do), but the links may contain plot spoilers. Or even the whole plot. Be warned.

I  hadn’t seen it yet, so on the Resident Sith Master’s recommendation (yes, he sees movies without me sometimes), we rented “Gladiator” (2000) with Russell Crowe. Big battle scenes, lots of swordplay and blood, even tigers! This movie isn’t historically accurate but who cares? Did you see the poster? Plus – Tigers!

I love this film won the Oscar for Best Costume Design (oh yeah, and four other Oscars, including Best Picture). It must have been a challenge to come up with variations on the toga and almost-naked gladiator togs. And when it comes to gladiators, the less costume the better. I don’t think I’m alone this, am I?

Costumes = Fiber content. Kinda… Okay, moving on…

Richard Harris is great as the aging emperor. Oliver Reed turned in a nuanced final performance as the freed gladiator turned trader (sadly, he died during filming.)

And Russell Crowe – uh, oh yeah, baby. His acting was good too. Yes, I did notice his huge… acting talent.

This film owes a lot (as so many films do) to two classic Roman epics:

Sparticus” (1960) starring Kirk Douglas, Laurence Olivier, Tony Curtis, and Peter Ustonov – and directed by Stanley Kubrick, did ya’ll know that? This film also won a Best Costume Oscar. Toga, toga, toga!

and the 1959 “Ben Hur” with Charlton Heston and a cast of thousands! And lions. Even if you haven’t seen this film, you have certainly seen clips of the famous chariot race. There’s some religious content in this one. Hey, it wasn’t all chariot races and swordfights in ancient Rome, ya’ll.

Both are still worth another viewing if you are in a Roman mood.

Or you could go for “Roman Holiday” (1953), with a luminous Audrey Hepburn and a dashing Gregory Peck, for a completely different Roman mood. Roman-tic comedy. Heh.

“And now for something completely different…”

Since I’d heard so much about it (and hello, George Clooney!), we rented “Michael Clayton” (2007). Definitely worth it. Intricate plot, with plenty of twists and turns. George Clooney gives a subtle performance as a man both honorable and tarnished. We both really enjoyed this action thriller. And so did the critics. Tom Wilkinson was brilliant, and Tilda Swinton definitely earned her Oscar. Plus, horses!

And, hello, George Clooney!

I don’t know why I’m telling ya’ll about the animal appearances in these films. I guess it’s a kind of cinematic pig-licking.

Pollyanna Rainbow Sunshine and the Eyebrows of Doom

Lyda here. I got your movie reviews right here, baby.

Warning: Links may contain plot spoilers.

First, an apology to my Zombie Army  (per this AntiM post and the comments; Hi, Maren, still stalking you!):

I’m sorry, my zombie-lovin’ friends. Eww, zombie lovin’. Just. So. Wrong. No zombie movies to review today. I’m still looking for my next undead favorite. Suggestions appreciated, but nothing too gory please. We don’t want to give the Dread Cat Tommy too many ideas. 

Anna-Liza told me about “Black Sheep” (2007) . What could be more perfect? Sheep, zombies, gorgeous New Zealand scenery (check out the center photo in the film gallery here) – and the countryside is attractive too. This film has it all! Fleece may become imperiled in this film. Fiberholics, be warned. But I haven’t found it to rent yet.

Ya’ll, just look at all the zombie movies listed on Wikipedia. Now I really need to track down a copy of “The Astro-Zombies” (1969) with John Carradine as the mad scientist. Check out the trailer – “You will die a thousand deaths…”. Oh my. Ah, if only I could watch them all…

The good  zombie news – – if there is such a thing, and I think there is, although “good zombie” might seem an oxymoron to those of you who haven’t seen Fido (reviewed here)… but I digress – – is that I Am Legend is out on DVD. Definitely not good zombies in this one. Bad zombies, bad! My review here. Scary, kids. Really. Don’t let the kids watch it at all. Trust me. I don’t suggest you watch it alone at night either. I’m just sayin’. This is a DVD that I will be purchasing, myself. And watching in the daytime. With my son on guard. While the cat is sleeping.

Wow. That’s a lot on zombies for someone who hasn’t seen any lately. I seem to be zombie fixated. What a surprise.

So far, this whole post is a digression.

“… Two, three, four, and then there was the time…” *

(* for Gorgeous and Available Engineer brother)

“What movies have you seen lately, Pollyanna?” I’m so glad you asked.

Oh the excitement – I’ve got good movies to tell you about today. And even more soon. What do you mean, get a life? I have a life. A life of watching movies. What do you mean, maybe I should occasionally leave the house? I do, I go see movies.

When I saw “Stargate – The Ark of Truth” (direct to DVD, 2007) on the video store shelf, ya’ll know we had to rent it. I do love Stargate (not only because of the casting, although I certainly do appreciate the plethora of gorgeous men – even the extras are gorgeous).  We loved the movie. If you haven’t seen any “Stargate: SG1” episodes, you might be a bit lost at first, but it doesn’t matter – just hang on and enjoy the ride. It’s worth it for the three gorgeous leading men alone. The production values are good, and the acting is first-rate. And did I mention the gorgeous men? Oh. Yes. Yes, I did. And just for the record, I like the women in this too. Just not in the same way. If ya’ll know what I mean. And I’m sure you do.

By the way, I liked the original “Stargate” movie (1994) with Kurt Russell. At least partly because Kurt Russell was one of my first crushes. Remember, he was in all those Disney movies in the late 60s and 70s? “The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes and such? He always played the boy next door, and he was so cute, and my preteen self was smitten. I wanted to be Haley Mills and go steady with Kurt Russell and have wacky adventures that always ended up happy at the end. I wanted my life to be a Disney movie. Instead, it was more like an Afterschool Special.

As ya’ll know, Haley Mills as “Pollyanna” (1960, another Disney movie). So in a way, I am still emulating her. Trying to become her. Or something twisted like that.

But enough digression…

Stargate SG-1 is one of my favorite sci-fi TV series, which my local station shows Sundays at noon (even though it’s not in production anymore). I love that some characters have crossed over into “Stargate Atlantis (which I like too – and which the station shows next). Now ya’ll know where I am for two hours each Sunday. Hey, don’t start.

As the Resident Sith Master had never seen it, we also rented “Dr. No” (1962) with Sean Connery in his first outing as James Bond. I had forgotten that it was the first of the Bond films. Sean Connery’s first line is “Bond. James Bond.”

We had a lot of fun watching it. The action and special effects are 60’s hokey, and the costumes and interiors are a hoot – it’s worth seeing again just to remember what was cool back then. Although Connery is suave in his tuxedo, of course.

Sean Connery is my favorite Bond – I know lots of people disagree with me, and nothing against the other Bonds, but he’s the one I grew up with and watched as a kid with my dad, and I just like him best, so there. Although Daniel Craig, the newest Bond, is closing in on him. Mr. Craig is certainly gorgeous and manly, and has an amazing body. Hmm, I seem to be drooling. Let me just wipe that off…

Ursula Andress in her famous bikini was the first Bond girl, here with a casual but still impeccably dressed Bond:

 dr-no.jpg

Look how curvy! Awesome! All the women in this movie are lush and the actual size of… well, real women. But that’s a digression for another day…

We were surprised and pleased to see Jack Lord, of “Hawaii Five-Oh” fame, in the film. We joked about the epic competition between The Hair (Jack Lord’s) and The Accent (Sean Connery’s).

And we decided that Bond’s secret weapons in this film are his Eyebrows of Doom – none can stand before them! All tremble before the Eyebrows of Doom!! Really, his eyebrows are astonishingly huge in this film. Only an actor with so much charisma could overcome them.

Upcoming movie reviews: “Gladiator” with Russell Crowe. “Michael Clayton” with George Clooney. And more…

Hmm, I seem to be drooling again…