Pollyanna and the Random Weirdness of Pig-Licking

Lyda here.

Ya’ll, the world is a far stranger place than even I suspected. To prove this, I give you:

The Pig Kissing Contest.

Apparently this is a popular way of raising funds for various organizations.

Look at this. Not one, but two pig-kissing pictures! And this – scroll down for the pig kissing – now there’s something you don’t type every day…

And check this out:

kissthepig.jpg 

That’s right, these people will actually bring you a pig to kiss. They also have a Creepy Crawly Stinky Slimey Show but since they’re in Florida, so I guess I can’t have that for my next birthday…

These folks also provide a pig to kissThey’re on the East Coast. Hmpfh.

You might want to be careful that you don’t develop a relationship with the pig, though. When the pig starts borrowing your clothes, it’s a warning sign

“A pig in the house? I thought I divorced him.”

Badumdum.

Just for the record, my ex is actually very tidy. But sometimes, ze joke, she cries out to be told.

Of course, sometimes the pig does not want to be kissed.

In that case, you can buy a pig-kissing watercolor instead. Or art kissed by pigs.

Or you can personalize and send this card to your pig-licking friends: “Pig Licking. You’re Doing It Wrong.” And look at this one, Muppet Treasure Island fans! Heh! Good fun, ya’ll.

And while we are on the subject, don’t you love the title of this book?!

 kissthesunsetpigbook.jpg

It actually sounds pretty good (click the pic for the link). I feel a book review coming on. I wonder if the library has a copy…?

Of all the photos that came up when I googled “pig kiss”…

And ya’ll, do NOT google “pig tongue” looking for pig-licking pictures.

Trust me on this.

Just.

Don’t.

Not a digression you want to make… *shudder*… moving on.

This picture is definitely my favorite. Pigs On Parade! Pig pirate! Mer-pig! Stega-pig! Yellow Brick Pig! Cyber Pig Invasion! 

I’m sad. I feel like a big pig-licking opportunity was missed here. I know people who live in Seattle, including some of my siblings. I wonder if they have any photos with the pigs? At least we can still check out the “Pigs on Parade” merchandise.

And while we are talking about pigs, and I believe we were…

This ad is just… disturbingEww. Sorry about that.

Here, this will heal your eyes:

pigandpiglet1.jpg

Aww, look at that piglet, just worn out from all the kissing. 

Now, won’t you join me in a bit of pig-licking rewriting?

There’s more than one way to lick a pig. (As Marin says…)

So many pigs, so little spit.

“Imagine all the people, licking pigs in peace…”

Yup.

Human weirdness.

It knows no bounds. And neither do I.

May the Pig be with you.

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2 thoughts on “Pollyanna and the Random Weirdness of Pig-Licking

  1. Marin

    Nobody has ever asked me to kiss a pig. I tell you what, someone asks me to kiss the tiny widdle painting pigs and I’ll do it in a heartbeat!

    Reply
  2. lyda Post author

    I think I’ve kissed pigs before, but only the two-legged kind. But I agree about those piglets; they are so adorable!

    A very different proposition than kissing a big ole hairy boar.

    That’s what she said!

    Reply

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