Pollyanna Rainbow Sunshine, Genius

“I ran outta gas! I had a flat tire! I didn’t have enough money for cab fare! My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners! An old friend came in from outta town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts!! It wasn’t my fault I swear to God!!!”

Those immortal words were spoken by the brilliant and much-missed John Belushi as “Joliet” Jake Blues in the Blues Brothers movie. Which we all need to see again. It is an awesomely funny movie. I love John Belushi. Of course, everyone knows “Animal House” (1978.) and Spielberg’s “1941” (1979) But if you haven’t seen them, “Neighbors” (1981) – with John playing against type – and “Continental Divide” (1981) – showing John was a great romantic comedy leading man – are definitely worth seeing. I’m just sayin’.

But I digress…

Lyda here, in case you couldn’t tell. This speech is what keeps going through my empty head as I try to figure out exactly when my brain moved to Tahiti without me. It may have something to do with the sleep-deprivation. Of course, without a brain, it will be pretty hard to figure out… that’s why I have ya’ll.

Evidence of the missing brain is strong.

To whit:

And this weekend. Pretty much the whole thing, but especially this:

On Saturday, I took the sheets off my bed and washed them.

Late Saturday night, I headed to bed late after watching “Catch Me If You Can” (2002) with the Resident Sith Master. Which we loved, ya’ll should check it out if you haven’t seen it; I love Tom Hanks, and this movie is excellent. Plus, DiCaprio for those of you who like him, which I do as an actor but he doesn’t do it for me lust-wise, I’d much rather have Tom. Or, of course, Harrison Ford. But I digress again.

And found I hadn’t put the clean sheets on my bed yet.

So I put the clean sheets on the bed.

And then took my medication.

Only I took my morning meds instead of my nighttime med.

Thus throwing my whole meds schedule off.

Genius.

As soon as I did it, I realized my mistake.

I think this error was connected to the fatigue, and the fact that my morning routine involves making my bed and then taking my blood pressure meds – thus linking making my bed with taking these drugs in my [empty] head.  [Please don’t worry, it was fine. I am trying to be funny, ya’ll.]

But mostly, I blame the missing brain.

And I took my nighttime med.

And then I went and told RSM what I’d done.

My 17-year-old son actually patted me on the shoulder and shook his head. This stuff doesn’t surprise him anymore.

I hope he comes to visit me in the home. And brings cake.

At least I don’t have to worry about zombies.

They won’t come after me now.

No brain for them to eat.

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8 thoughts on “Pollyanna Rainbow Sunshine, Genius

  1. Marin

    Dear Lyda,

    At least you remembered to put your sheets in the dryer.

    I speak from experience.

    Love, Your Sister in Brainless Twelvehood,

    Reply
  2. lyda Post author

    Dear Marin,

    Wet steamy time in bed – ur doin it wrong.

    We can form the “Brainless Twelvehood” Club!

    Club members will be the last ones left after the Zombie Apocalypse. And then we will be all “we r in ur stashes, taking ur alpaca.”

    ‘Cause I don’t think zombies knit.

    Love,
    Your Brainless Twelvehood Sis

    Reply
  3. lyda Post author

    Heh heh – nice visual, Anna-Liza. So – when someone becomes a zombie, their stash is up for grabs. Excellent.

    Reply
  4. Marin

    OK, this is making me wish I could develop computer games. What kind of killing could we make with a zombie knitting computer game? Where you have to steal the zombies’ stashes… only if they still have flesh on their fingers, they can knit and they’ll come after you! And bonus for taking alpaca… live or yarned! I’m so excited and frustrated! Zombie Knitting and my sex life have so much in common!

    Reply
  5. lyda Post author

    “Zombie Knitting and my sex life have so much in common!”

    Oh, sista, I hear ya!

    But – it would be a great tag line for the totally awesome game! So extremely cool!! You have to evade the zombies, steal their stashes and their alpacas, and get home to knit. And for weapons, you get a ray gun that makes the zombies’ knitting unravel (because then they’d stop chasing you to gather up their yarn). Bonus points if you completely unravel the knitted sweater off a zombie!

    Resident Sith Master is planning on becoming a video game designer, so we can get him to do it someday.

    He and his best friend “Chuck Norris” plan on founding their own company and ruling the video game world! Bwahahahaha! And they will buy me house. And maybe a pony. Ohhh, wait, an alpaca!

    ‘Cause we need it. You know, for game research…

    Reply
  6. Anna-Liza

    Geez, I’m behind. I suggest we rope in Knitting Sprite. She’s done online RPGs before, but I don’t think she could do the graphics. However, she does know all kinds of geeks, really talented ones, even.

    Reply
  7. lyda Post author

    Anna-Liza. Once again, you prove that you really actually ARE a genius (no joke, really she is that smart, folks). No wonder I’ve survived so long…

    Reply

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