Pollyanna Does the Math

Lyda here. Trying for a “R” rating today. Okay, would you believe “PG”?

I realized yesterday that I haven’t had any… dates… in over a year. Probably longer. Yeah, let’s call it “dating.” And all I can say is… WTF?

Ya’ll may wonder if I’m waiting for a guy who can afford me. Nope. I’m actually a cheap date. That’s what he said. I’m holding out for a nice smart guy who makes me laugh and who laughs at my jokes. At least some of them. Apparently this is a rare combination among the pool of available guys I met. A small pool. Actually, more of a pond. Or a puddle. Mostly guys – and women too, it doesn’t seem to be gender-related – just give me a blank stare and change the subject when I display my wit and intelligence.

But I digress… My main question today is:

In what weird backwards universe would I be worth $31 more per hour in bed than Anna-Liza?

I mean, it’s not like most guys would be interested in my fierce quilting skills. At least not in bed, one would hope. Or want to talk about zombies during rest periods. ‘Cause that would be… weird. But then again, maybe not so weird. See, I’m easy. Heh. That’s what he said. 

Although the best guys would appreciate my Monty Python and Mel Brooks quotes. But Anna-Liza can quote them too.

It’s a mystery to me.

And we corrupted   enticed Marin to take the quiz and she is worth $15 per hour more than me – (and $46 more than Anna-Liza, I can do math).

Which I think is because she can talk about sports, and I’ve heard guys like that.

I’ve even heard that guys think about sports… you know… during. To prolong the… proceedings, kids. It’s hard to be a man. That’s what he said.

Or math. They think about math. I have this on good authority.

The smarter they are, the harder the… math. That’s what she said.

Ya’ll know what my mom always said.

There’s only one explanation.

Men are weird.

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6 thoughts on “Pollyanna Does the Math

  1. Marin

    1) Higher pay grade than A-L? See: “I’m easy.”
    2) I’m pretty sure I got bumped up because my nipples are pierced. If I knew that was worth $15 an hour, I woulda done it years and years and years ago.

    Reply
  2. lyda Post author

    1) Yes, that would explain it.
    2) Interesting to know.

    Wow, if you did a cost-benefit analysis, you could amortize the cost of the piercing over a period of years. Or better yet, include it as “business expense” on your taxes.
    [Uh.. I mean, if it related to one’s business, I mean, which I am in no way implying is true of anyone who reads or writes this blog. Hello, officer!] I wonder if H&R Block does taxes for those kinds of businesses. I bet they do in Nevada…

    But I digress…

    Reply
  3. Anna-Liza

    I’m guessing the nipple piercing, and very likely the fact that both of you have much larger … tracts of land … than I do. And possibly because I said I’d rather go dancing on a Friday night than stay in and have sex. Which is because I don’t get to go out dancing nearly so often … yeah, that’s what she said.

    Reply
  4. lyda Post author

    Heh. Tracts of land.

    Dancing. I want to go dancing too. But it does come in a distant second right now…

    Reply

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