Pollyanna Hits a Milestone – Ouch!

Lyda here. I’ve been busy here at the Double W Ranch, what with wrangling the livestock and all. I know there’s only one cat, but he takes a lot of wrangling. He is a Sith, after all.

The Double W is what I’d name my ranch. If I had a ranch, ya’ll. After the Resident Sith Master conquers the gaming world and makes millions, I might get me a spread. I hear Colorado has good ranch land. Perhaps a small herd of alpacas… hmmm… alpacas…

But I digress…

I wrote about the final summer schedule as decreed by the custody agreement here. What I didn’t tell ya’ll was how I handled it.

I handled it quietly. With dignity and reserve. Ya’ll know. My usual way.  Of course, on the inside, there might have been a bit of dancing and cheering and stomping my feet.

Okay, maybe I did just a little of that on the outside too.

The other post was about how this milestone affects my son. Of course, it affects me too.

In fact, it changes my whole life.

As we pass these milestones, as we get closer to my son’s 18th birthday, I begin to see the future.

A future when I can live where I want to live. When I can arrange my schedule to please myself. When I am free.

I have been so focused on raising my son that I have neglected everything else. My finances, my time, my work, every decision I made was based on “What is the best for him?”

Even dating – I dated but didn’t bring men into my son’s life until I thought the relationship was serious. I dated men that I wouldn’t let near my son. Eventually, I realized that if they weren’t good enough for him, they weren’t good enough for me. 98% of this realization was due to Anna-Liza telling me this over and over. The other 2% was my son and other family and friends saying it. And the two men that I did let near my son were men I seriously thought I would be with forever – based not on my fantasies but on them saying it. What a relief that I didn’t end up with either one! But I digress…

Going to graduate school was the first thing that I did just for ME since I first got pregnant.

Really.

And now I am contemplating where I go from here.

I will be going it alone.

It’s exciting.

It’s terrifying.

Freedom always is.

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