Tag Archives: Parrot Sketch

Pollyanna and the Parrots of Doom

Lyda here.

First, a small digression. One of our spam comments was from  “totallyrealsitenotfak7e…” (I’m not going to put the whole address, in case it is some horrible computer virus and/or porn site. Y’all have to find those on your own.) and it read as if it was a continuation of a previous conversation.

Kinda.

A conversation with a stunned parrot whose been drinking all day and is concerned that I might acquire a fake payday loan.

Not that I am saying that a parrot is not capable of being concerned about the veracity of payday loans. They are very smart birds, I’ve heard. Nor am I saying that being stunned would affect that concern. How would I know? I’ve never stunned a parrot.

Although the only parrot I remember was one that whistled at me when I was eight and said “Look at that blonde!” Which totally freaked me out, because why would a parrot come on to blond eight-year-olds? That’s just weird.

Not that I’m saying that parrots do or do not experience weird attractions to girls. How would I know what a parrot finds attractive? And yes, I’m judging them.

I’m sure that the man who owned the bird taught it to say that, although hopefully not just to children.

However, after my grandma raked him over the coals for teaching his bird to say such an unseemly thing, I’m sure the man saw the error of his ways and spent the rest of his days teaching the parrot the Bible.

With the result that the parrot now whistles and says, “Look at that whale swallow Jonah.”

Although now that I think about it, this is not really an improvement.

Plus, that parrot would be pretty old by now. He might not be able to whistle any more.

Oh, and I should say that I do not approve of letting one’s parrot get drunk.

Nor do I approve of parrot stunning. That is not what stun guns are for, people.

Um.

What was I talking about?

Oh well. Here’s a link to Monty Python’s parrot sketch with a stunned parrot. Or is he?

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Pollyanna versus the Newly Empty Nest

Lyda here.

The Resident Sith Master moved out today.

That’s right. This Sith Master is Resident no more. Yes, a Monty Python reference. What did you expect? But I digress…

Early this morning his dad came over, and they started loading things up. Putting the bed on top of the car was a big clue.

But I knew it was really happening when my son packed up his video games.

I left before they did, so I wouldn’t blubber all over him, and in front of my ex.

It’s been coming for two months. He’d already packed up his stuff. And they spent time last week painting his room at his dad’s house and got him a new desk from Ikea and generally prepared the space for full-time occupancy, instead of the occasional weekend.

And we have to be out of our apartment at the end of this week.

So I knew it was going to happen.

But I cried all the way to work.

Yes, he’s going to be fine – he’ll be safe and loved and happy, he’ll spend guy time with his dad, he’ll be with his dogs.

The crying is not about that.

Today it’s about me.

And how much I already miss him.

….

Excuse me, I need a Monty Python-meets-Star Trek clip.

Ah. Brought a wan smile to my lips.

Perhaps y’all can suggest some others that will sustain me in the packing-moving-and-missing-my-son days to come.

T-minus 3 days to my move and counting…

Pollyanna and the Weekend Pirates

Lyda here. It’s that time again – as Marin reminds us. In her own chicken-lovin’ way.

I’m mostly recycling last year’s post on the Random Weirdness of Pirates. How lazy is that. How ecologically minded is that.

Ahoy, maties, this be Lyda. September 19th be Talk Like a Pirate Day! But truly, every day be a good day for piracy! And every day be a good day for Random Weirdness.

So we be bringing ye the classic Random Weirdness of Pirates post! With updated links and such.

And there be no complainin’ that we be recyclin’. Or I’ll keelhaul the lot of ye.

Craft like a pirate:

Here be a roundup from Crafty Minx to Craft Like a Pirate, which has links to lots of pirate and skull booty. (A few of the links have expired, but most of them work.) She also has links to squid and parrot patterns. They be free patterns, ye swabs.

Knitting: Check that link above for lots of knitting patterns. But I have to show you this:  Julie of knittingjuju created a Jolly Fish hat. That be a free pattern too.

Quilting & sewing: First, I be re-introducing ye to The Quilting Pirate. Ahoy, me quilting matie!

It be true. There be fabric for everything: Pirate ship fabric. More pirate fabric including  Pirate monkeys fabric.  They had pages of “skull” fabrics, of ”pirate” fabric, and pages of “parrots” when I searched their site.

They also had 15 fabrics with chickens (hi Marin!). I got this and this for “swine” (when I searched for “pig” I also got a lot of football fabric. Heh.)

But only this fabric came up for “zombie” – sad, very sad.

But I digress…

Crochet: Here be Captain Cute the Pirate Teddy bear for you crocheteers. Get it — crochet? Buccaneers? Oh, never mind.

When I saw it listed as a Pirate Teddy, I thought it meant a sexy pirate teddy to wear during those private meetings with yer first mate. Someone totally has to come up with a Pirate Teddy pattern. Shiver me timbers!

Flaming skull wrist bags for shore leave, ye swabs.

Alas, poor Yorick. Crochet him, Horatio.

Hey, pirates could have read Shakespeare. Maybe they even did “Hamlet” on the high seas. With multi-level sword fights. And Ofelia walking the plank.

But I digress…

And – drum roll please –

the Pirate Piggy Mask!

Instructions here.

Yes! Piratical Pig Licking!

Plus: Embroider like a Pirate! Bead like a Pirate! And check out the felt pirate eyepatch, ya’ll. I mean, maties.

And for yer young pirates to be doin’ after they swab the deck: Pirate crafts .

Talk like a Pirate:

Ye can practice yer pirate lingo with this and their other videos on YouTube.

Sing like a Pirate:

Let’s sing of pirates ! George Harrison and Eric Idle! Yo Ho, Jack Sparrow! And of course, we have to include Gilbert & Sullivan, ’cause he be a pirate king.

I be lovin’ Tim Curry, Professional Pirate. With Muppet pirates!

Fight like a Pirate:

Best. Pirate Swordfight. Ever. Plus ”Hello, my name is…” Hey, he might become a pirate…

A compilation of swordfights. They aren’t all pirates, but some of them are. And – Aragorn!

Quiz like a Pirate:

How much do you know about the Dread Pirate Roberts?

What be yer pirate name? I be Mad Bess Bonny today. But these be the best pirate names .

Laugh like a Pirate:

Cat and Girl explore A Pirate’s Life.

And while we be talkin’ o’ parrots

——————-

The Resident Sith Master asked:

“Craft like a pirate?

Does that mean you knit with knives?”

Pollyanna and the Random Weirdness of Pirates

Ahoy, maties, this be Lyda. September 19th be Talk Like a Pirate Day! But truly, every day be a good day for piracy! And it be Wednesday, time for some Random Weirdness.

So we be bringing ye a Random Weirdness of Pirates post!

Ye be havin’ time to be makin’ and usin’ yer creation for Pirate Day. And there be no complainin’ if we be recyclin’ these links on Sept. 19th. Or I’ll keelhaul the lot of ye.

Craft like a pirate:

Here be a roundup from Crafty Minx to Craft Like a Pirate, which has links to lots of pirate and skull booty. (A few of the links have expired, but most of them work.) She also has links to squid and parrot patterns. They be free patterns, ye swabs.

Knitting: Check that link above for lots of knitting patterns. But I have to show you this:  Julie of knittingjuju created a Jolly Fish hat. That be a free pattern too.

Quilting & sewing:  First, I be introducing ye to The Quilting Pirate. Ahoy, me quilting matie!

It be true. There be fabric for everything.

Pirate ship fabric. More pirate fabric. Pirate map fabric. “Bad to the bone” and flamin’ skull fabrics. Parrot fabric. They had 8 pages of “skull” fabrics, 4 of “pirate”, and 2 of “parrots” when I searched their site. But only one fabric came up for “zombie” – sad, very sad.

Crochet: Here be Captain Cute the Pirate Teddy bear for you crocheteers. Get it — crochet? Buccaneers? Oh, never mind.

When I saw it listed as a Pirate Teddy, I thought it meant a sexy pirate teddy to wear during those private meetings with yer first mate. Someone totally has to come up with a Pirate Teddy pattern. Shiver me timbers!

Flaming skull wrist bags for shore leave, ye swabs.

Alas, poor Yorick. Crochet him, Horatio.

Hey, pirates could have read Shakespeare. Maybe they even did “Hamlet” on the high seas. With multi-level sword fights. And Ofelia walking the plank.

But I digress…

And – drum roll please –

the Pirate Piggy Mask!

Yes! Piratical Pig Licking!

Plus: Embroider like a Pirate!  Bead like a Pirate! And check out the felt pirate eyepatch, ya’ll. I mean, maties.

And for yer young pirates to be doin’ after they swab the deck: Pirate crafts .

Talk like a Pirate:

Ye can practice yer pirate lingo with this and their other videos on YouTube.

Sing like a Pirate:

Let’s sing of pirates ! George Harrison and Eric Idle!   Yo Ho, Jack Sparrow! And of course, we have to include Gilbert & Sullivan, ’cause he be a pirate king.

I be lovin’ Tim Curry, Professional Pirate. With Muppet pirates!

Fight like a Pirate:

Best. Pirate Swordfight. Ever. Plus “Hello, my name is…” Hey, he might become a pirate…

A compilation of swordfights. They aren’t all pirates, but some of them are. And – Aragorn!

Quiz like a Pirate:

How much do you know about the Dread Pirate Roberts?

What be yer pirate name? I be Mad Bess Bonny today. But these be the best pirate names .

Laugh like a Pirate:

Cat and Girl explore A Pirate’s Life.

And while we be talkin’ o’ parrots

The Resident Sith Master asks:

“Craft like a pirate?

Does that mean you knit with knives?”