Captain Lyda Mad Bess Bonney here, one o’ the two Captains o’ this here blog. Beware, we be sailing through “International Talk Like A Pirate Day.” Arrrr!
We’re drinkin’ the grog (recipe here, but anything with alcohol will do – you can bet the pirates weren’t fussy about it!) and celebratin’ all things pirate.
In the spirit of the day, we present this week’s Weirdness of Humans – “Here there be Pirates” edition, o’ course, me hearties! [I shanghied some of these links from this top 10 pirate sites article.]
Avast, ye landlubbers, hoist the mailsail!
1) With a tip of the hat to Dave Barry, who discovered them and brought this holiday to the rest of us scurvy dogs, here be the website of the founders of “Talk Like A Pirate Day,” Cap’n Slappy and Ole Chumbucket. You can buy their book, Pirrattitude, check out the pirate photo gallery, and subscribe to their newsletter, The Poopdeck. Be sure to check out their merchandise, including this button:
which my brother the Gorgeous and Available Engineer would totally love. Arrrr again!!
EDITED TO ADD: THEY HAVE A “KNIT LIKE A PIRATE” SECTION!! WOO-HOO! Um, I mean, yo ho! Thanks to the sharp eyes at KAFN8ME.
2) Here be a quiz to discover your pirate name. My pirate name is:
Mad Bess Bonney
Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate’s life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!
Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network
Shiver me timbers!
3) This link has historical information on famous pirates, including Anne Bonny and Mary Read. In reality, pirates were usually bloodthirsty cutthroats and unclean in their persons. But they make for fascinating history!
Here’s some more history of pirates. It is interesting that someone like Sir Frances Drake could be considered a pirate in one country (Spain) and a hero in another (England’s Queen Elizabeth I’s “dear pirate”). With history, it always depends on who’s reporting the “facts.”
4) Articles celebrating “Talk Like a Pirate Day” abound. This one even has tips for dressing like a pirate, ye lags.
5) Here be a Guide to Pirate Parenting by Cap’n Billy “The Butcher” MacDougall, including such important topics as quelling mutinies, scurvy and hook injuries, and how to convert your mini-van into a pirate schooner.
If ye be taking parenting advice from the likes o’ The Butcher, be it on your own lice-ridden head!
6) Or you could try posting one of these Pirate Codes of Conduct on the frig. Punishments for stealing include being marooned or shot. Might give the little blighters pause.
7) This link has over 100 pirate movies, in case ye be cravin’ a chance to buckle your swash with the best o’ them! Ye can’t go wrong with John Barrymore in “The Beloved Rogue” (1927 – silent). Or any Errol Flynn or Douglas Fairbanks (Sr. or Jr.) film.
8.) Classic pirate books include “Treasure Island” by Robert Louis Stevenson and “The Count of Monte Cristo” by Alexander Dumas. Amazon has a huge listing of pirate books, and this link has a list of pirate books for “kids of all ages” whatever that means…
9) Don’t miss “Muppet Treasure Island” with Tim Curry hamming it up as the pirate captain. One of my personal favorites. “Stand back – this is my ONLY number!”
9) Of course, the best sword fight of all time is in “The Princess Bride” – one of the greatest movies of all time. If you have not seen this movie, GO RENT IT NOW!! “I am the Dread Pirate Roberts!”
10) Here’s a modern pirate song for ye.
11) If you need help getting Polly to squawk “Walk the plank”, check out this site.
12) Be warned, that site can’t help ye if it be an ex-parrot.
Yes, I included the parrot link just so I could get the Monty Python reference in.
Long pause. “Do you want to come back to my place?” “I thought you’d never ask.”
Laugh or I’ll keelhaul the lot of ye!
Pollyanna Rainbow Sunshine and the Needles of Doom 
First, I’m pretty sure pi-rate gets you an extra geek point or two.
Second, you should get your GAE brother “The Joy of Pi” by David Blatner. I got it for my SIL and thoroughly enjoyed it myself. Her little math-dork heart went pitty-pat.
It’s little blurbs and two-colour artwork and trivia bits and such — actually pretty good bathroom reading, not that I want to remind you of that painful time in your life (yesterday).
Hope you’re feeling better!
Hope the other girls think “GAE” means “gay” so I can have your brother all to myself!
XOXO
Hey, bonus geek points, awesome! I’ll have to put that book on my “potential gift” list for GAE bro.
And hee hee for you wanting him all to yourself! You have awesome taste!
And I am feeling much better, thanks!
But … but … I’m Captain Anne Bonney! Hey, does this mean we’re sisters? No, really, that’s what the quiz said. Here’s the rest of it: “Even though there’s no legal rank on a pirate ship, everyone recognizes you’re the one in charge. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate’s life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!”
Yar, we be sisters as we always be suspectin’, Cap’n.
Although I notice I’m crazier than you. Also as we always suspected…
Mad Anne Rackham – yeah man it’s a cool name.
Red Anne Cash be my name, lassy.
Aye, those be proper piratical names, me hearties!
Arrr!