Pollyanna Pops Her Head In Between Movies

Lyda here. Wow, I guess I’m not posting every day in April, am I? Things got pretty nuts at work, and then of course there’s the rest of my life… Summary: ugh, can we just not talk about it?

In the last few weeks, I’ve been working overtime and trying to get enough sleep and keep up with minimum hygeine standards and… oh yeah, do my taxes and other trivial stuff.

Here’s an old tax joke:

The Short Form:
1.  How much money did you make in 2009?
2.  Send it in.

I have spent some time with the Sith Master on the weekends, which has kept me sane. In the last weeks, we have been on a movie binge. We saw “How to Train Your Dragon” (but not in 3D) – we liked it. The protagonist is likeable, the dragons are great, and the main female character is terrific. We saw “Clash of the Titans” (in 3D) – we liked it. Sam Worthington as Perseus, Liam Nelson as Zeus, and Ralph Fiennes excellent as Hades. Sadly, Perseus never takes his shirt off, which I was hoping for. The Sith Master didn’t even notice this, of course; he was busy looking at the beautiful maidens. And oh yeah, the kraaken.

But I digress…

 We saw the Matt Damon movie “Green Zone” (definitely not in 3D) – we liked it. It was excellent, and not at all what we expected. We talked about the subject matter for hours afterwards, which we agreed is one of the things a movie like this should do. We even saw “Cop Out” (also not in 3D) – we liked it okay. Y’all can wait to rent it, or even to see it when it comes on TV. But hey, Bruce Willis – had to see it.

We didn’t see “Alice in Wonderland” in any D, because he’d already seen it with his sister. Guess I’ll have to go on my own. And somehow we missed “Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightening Thief“.

And at home, I watched “Fido” (also not in 3D). Yes, again. I love that movie. And several other movies – again.

And as always, I’ve been watching as much TV as I can get away with, especially “Project Runway” and “RuPaul’s Drag Race 2” – I’m addicted to both. Neither is in 3D even though the second is sometimes close.

And of course “Bones“.  Not 3D. Probably a good thing.

Y’all, a 3D zombie flick is bound to be on its way.

Just be glad they haven’t invented Smell-o-Vision yet…

Pollyanna and the Battle for Top Pig

Lyda here. Oded Fehr has taken down Bruce Willis in our stats of search terms that led people to our blog.

Our top six search terms of all time are, in order:

1. alpaca
2. Oded Fehr
3. Heathers
4. Bruce Willis
5. pig licking
6. michael jackson thriller

However, when I correct the statistics for variants (add in all the variations of the terms), we get the following results:

1. alpaca + alpacas  = 3249
2. Bruce Willis et. al. = 1655
3. heathers et. al. = 1569
4. Oded Fehr = 1510
5. pig licking et. al = 1415
6. michael jackson thriller = 458

Yes. I added it all up. I am that dork.

So, because Pollyanna is all about enabling your obsessions, here’s ya go:

#6 – Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”

There are rumors of an authorized musical with Michael himself involved in all aspects of the musical.

Here’s the original video. Here’s the great “Thriller” scene from “13 Going on 30“. And here’s Darth Vader’s version (plus Chewbacca doing “Footloose” and the chicks of Star Wars doing “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”) – pretty funny.

#5 – pig licking

I have a feeling that some of the people searching for variations of “licking” and “tongue” were not looking for a cute picture of a little kid kissing a pig at the zoo. But just in case, here’s the picture that was in our first pig licking post – inspired by Marin’s obsession, of course, as so many good things are. That sounds like a great name for a perfume. Or a trashy beach read. BTW, the photo came from here originally.

I don’t know why this is called a Pig Licking Cake. But y’all know I had to include it. ‘Cause I’m all about the cake. If anyone tries it, y’all know we’d love to see a picture.

These folks make Peppermint Pigs. They also have the perfect gift for so many on your list. “Have some wine with your swine.” Or maybe this is more your style. I found them from this post on Cookie Madness.

#4 Bruce Willis

Here’s Bruce singing with The Temptations. Weird.

#3 Heathers

The movie. The quotes. The fashions:

#2 – Oded Fehr.

That’s a free screensaver of Oded you can unload.

…

…

…

#1 – Alpaca.

Still our top-ranking search of all time. As it should be.

So here are some links to alpaca videos for y’all:

The Alpaca Committee wants to have a word with you.

He’s rich, he’s handsome, he’s got a huge… herd of alpacas…

And just because it’s Friday, funny animals – including a sheep

See, still a fiber blog.

Pollyanna and the Super Hunks

Lyda here.

Apparently posting about hunks increases your blog’s hit ratio. See this awesome post about Viggo Mortesen – yum! – and her follow-up  on the hits.

Hey, I’m doing this for the blog hits. Not out of any need for beefcake. Really.

We know this, here at Pollyanna Rainbow Sunshine, as we continue to get hits for a picture of Bruce Willis I posted long ago. All Bruce, all the time.

 And of course, this lady is an expert on hunk blogging.

So, what am I looking for in a hunk?

Talented?  Gene Kelly tap dancing on roller skates. Funny? One of the Monty Python gang. Or Eddie Izzard, and not just because of the CAKE. Athletic? Jackie Chan (athletic and funny).  Good with animals? Tarzan (also athletic, but not much of a conversationalist).

Nice guy? James Stewart in “You Can’t Take It With You” – Jean Arthur was a lucky girl. One of my all-time favorite movies. In fact, Jimmy Stewart was in a lot of my all-time favorite movies.

As Elwood P. Dowd in “Harvey” (1950):

Years ago my mother used to say to me, she’d say, “In this world, Elwood, you must be” – she always called me Elwood – “In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.” Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.

And now of course we come, to the quiz. Because there is always a quiz.

Who’s your 80s hunk?

Here’s mine.

I know ya’ll will all be jealous.

Your 80s Hunk Is

Bill Gates

Who’s Your 80s Hunk?

Anna-Liza here. I am compelled to add my 80s hunk:

Your 80s Hunk Is

John Stamos

Who’s Your 80s Hunk?

Pollyanna – “Just the Blog Facts, Ma’am”

Lyda here.

We got our first Spanish spam comment on August 1st. We’re multilingually spammed!

And by the way – Spam!  

The Babblefish translation said the comment was asking for permission to use a sweater picture in an “academic textbook”. Heh. I said “Babblefish.”

Yeah. Right. “Academic textbook”. Is that what the kids are calling porn these days?

It must be one of these pics or this one – because those are the only sweater pictures on the blog. I checked. Yes, every picture. Obsess much? Yes. Yes, I do.

Uh, sorry, Anna-Liza. I deleted the comment as spam. I hope I haven’t ruined your chance at having your knitting featured in a fictitious academic textbook. Because surely fame and fortune would follow. And don’t call me Shirley. (Anna-Liza says, “I’ll live. Who wants fame and fortune? Oh, wait, I do. Fortune, anyway.)

And in other blog news:

As of 8/1/08, we have 30,275 hits, 484 posts, and 710 tags.

And 1550 non-spam  comments. Wow!! Thanks!

Ya’ll deserve silly walks.

Recent searches that led to our blog included:

• “quilted pig tote bag” – I totally need to make one of those!
• “zombie cakes” – I’m intrigued…
• “i need to see squares in the world” – ’cause it’s hip to be a square
• and of course, the lovely concept of “Bruce Willis scar”

Speaking of Bruce Willis – all Bruce, all the time – check out this great Justin Long “Live Free or Die Hard” promo interview. SERIOUS WARNING: This is totally unsuitable for work, kids, or the easily offended. No, I don’t care how cool your boss is. Just don’t do it.  Really, ya’ll. Not just language, but concepts ya’ll really do not want to have to explain to your kids. Or your boss. But really really funny.

But I’m still thinking about CAKE.

Here’s a Monster Cake that could easily be a Zombie Cake instead… although wouldn’t the frosting just get all over? Ooohhh… frosting all over…  Warning: the woman in the video seems to be one of the most frightening of all zombies – the MarthaZombie. Scary, kids!  But not as scary as this Martha.

Here’s a version of zombie cake. Including references to “Portal“. Which the Resident Sith Master recognized, not me. I’m such a n00b. The cake is a lie? NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Here’s a Voodoo Zombie cake. The alcohol turns you into a zombie, I guess…

I found Zombie Cake Girl. Wow. I’m wearing pink. Weird.

Wait – I found it!

ZOMBIE CAKE!!

Also Bridezilla cake. And killer rats cake. Ya’ll probably do not want to see the very graphic thorax cake. Hello, I love “They’re Coming to Get You Barbara” – why have I not found this blog before? Horror movie reviews like this one (must see this movie!), humor, zombies, weird cake – it has it all!

A great zombie cake for the post-zombie-killing party, created by Eden Cakes. Who also created this XBox cake. Heh. I wonder why they no longer have the zombie cake on their website…?

A Hello Kitty Zombie cake. And ya’ll think I’m weird?  (Hey, if Hello Kitty vibrators exist, why not Zombie Cake?)

A zombie graveyard cake.

Those cakes are pretty elaborate. How about this simple yet very excellent Zombie Cake?

Maybe for Halloween we should do a Zombie Cake contest.

Stop me before I cake again!

Too late.

CAAAAAAKKKKKKKEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Pollyanna Does the Hump Day Boogie, Now with Extra Random Weirdness

Lyda here. We need a Random Weirdness post, because it’s Wednesday, and because it’s June… 

“…June, June, June,   Just because it’s June!   June!   June!” 

Sorry about that. The theater geekiness never goes away; it just morphs into sudden bursts of song for no apparent reason. And other weird digressions…

Before we get to today’s Random Weirdness, a few blogiverse items:

1.) Most importantly, go over to Frank’s blog and post a comment that’s funny / cheerful / supportive. A joke, a link to a silly site. We love you, Frank! Get well!

2.) As your reward, go over to Crazy Aunt Purl and enter the contest to win a stack of books from Laurie! How generous I am to tell ya’ll about this, as I’ve entered the contest myself (she had me at “free books”). Now ya’ll know how much Pollyanna loves ya.

3.) So ya’ll can plan ahead: Saturday, June 14th is World Wide Knit In Public Day. That link is the official site; you can find a KIP near you, or host a KIP – even a virtual KIP. Ya’ll, I can’t take credit for knowing about this in advance this year – I read about it here on diknit’s blog.

Post a comment and tell us where you will be knitting in public!

And let us know if ya’ll want us to host a Hermit’s Virtual KIP here at Pollyanna’s. Virtual sweet tea, virtual cake, and the Zombie Army! Awesome! Actually, Anna-Liza will probably be KIP for real, so I might be on my own on this one.

Okay, on to the Random Weirdness:

1.) Toy Vault makes Princess Bride toys – every girl’s dream, a Dread Pirate Roberts of her very own! They make Monty Python stuff : Tim the Enchanter hats! The Black Knight, with detachable limbs! And for the final touch for Marin’s desk – a Rabbit with Big Pointy Teeth stapler! Here’s where to buy their stuff.  No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!

2.) Zombie cats!

3.) Actually EFFECTIVE tech support! Heh.

4.) How do you know you’ve had enough to drink? Now.

5.) Among recent searches that lead people to our blog, there was the usual: “Bruce Willis”, “heathers”, variations on “pollyanna” and “rainbow”.

There was the slightly unusual: “zombie movies domesticated”  – what, they don’t like wild zombies??

And there was the uber cool: “cosmic”. I love that you can find us by searching for “cosmic”. That’s how cool the Pollyannas are, ya’ll!

6.) And finally, does someone want to explain it to this guy? Anyone? Anyone?

Pollyanna’s All-Dancing, All-Mutating Zombie Review

Lyda here. I really should finish teaching my Zombie Army the steps so we can get out on the road. There should be opportunities for dancing zombies, right? Unfortunately, we had to drop the tap number – their arms and legs kept falling off.

While waiting for the reattachments, I’ve had some unexpected time off to quilt and read, and of course to watch more TV and movies. Ya’ll know where this is going:

Movie reviews! I got two movies from the library and watched them over the weekend.

I watched “Damn Yankees” (1958.) Yes, I am a theater geek from way back, and I love musicals. Except for Tab Hunter as Joe, this fun version of Faust has the original Broadway cast, including Gwen Verdon as that vamp Lola who always gets what she wants, and Ray Walston as Applegate also known as the Devil – they both won Tony awards for these roles. Bob Fosse did the choreography, and performs a famous mambo number with Verdon. Fosse and Verdon were married, and she preferred working with him to any other choreographer. This is a fun romp in the ballpark, and the trademark Fosse dance moves are wonderful in every number.

ZOMBIE ALERT!

I also saw “Planet Terror” (2007). I saw the extended and unrated version, which was released as a 2-disc set, not the film as it was shown in theaters. I’m guessing that the version I saw has more nudity, and possibly more gore and extended gross moments. 

See, the bad guys release this experimental gas which mutates people into zombies when it touches them, and everyone the zombies come in contact with mutate, except some people are immune for some reason. As the infection spreads and more mutated zombies are created, the plot becomes more and more unreal. In a weird – and above all disgusting – way. Full plot and cast list here.

The film was directed by Robert Rodriguez (Sin City), and released theatrically as a double feature with Quentin Tarantino’s Death Proof. Tarantino has a cameo as an infected soldier and gets to mutate in a particularly disgusting way. Yuck.  Rose McGowan stars as an exotic dancer who loses a leg to the zombies fairly early on. But it’s okay – she’s up and walking an hour later, because her former boyfriend and expert zombie fighter (played by Freddie Rodriguez) attaches a table leg to her stump, and later a modified M4 carbine and rocket launcher – which she can shoot at will. Somehow. Without pulling a trigger or anything. What? Does that seem far-fetched to anyone?  Bruce Willis plays the crazed Lt. Muldoon, and gets to chew the scenery in a couple of over-the-top scenes and then mutate. There are various other loonies and tough men and women – and lots and lots of zombies, shooting, explosions, and fires. Of course.

Some parts of the film were intentionally damaged to give it a 70’s grindhouse theater effect. At one point, a scene is interrupted with a “Missing Reel” reel sign, and when the film continues, the plot has moved on. This is confusing but also kind of fun – if you are in the mood for this kind of weirdness.

Being in the mood for this movie is crucial for enjoying it. You have to suspend disbelief and just go with it all.

Zombie survival tip: During a zombie invasion, avoid hospitals.

And, apparently, barbeque restaurants. I guess your average zombie likes secret sauce as much as the next guy.

Which reminds me: Do not try to eat while watching this film. Don’t watch it right after a meal either, or plan on eating right after. Particularly barbeque. I may never eat barbeque again. Well, okay, not “never” but… for a while.

This film is definitely not for children, dogs, or anyone with a sensitive stomach. The unrated version at least is for adults only. Even I, your intrepid zombie reporter, had to look away from the screen rather a lot. But it’s not only the gore and extreme grossness that makes this inappropriate for teens; there is one rather explicit sex scene, an attempted rape, and pointless random deaths of a child and a dog.

On the Pollyanna West Zombie Scale, this film gets a 2 out of 5 Brains for Zombie Fun – and 5 out of 5 Brains for Gore. Plus – in a Pollyanna first – an additional 100 Brains for Grossness.

Hopefully, the next zombie movie won’t be this disgusting. I’ll be sure to let ya’ll know…